I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
