hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize