woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize