so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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