i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
