I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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