your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
