I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
