I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
