When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
