Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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