I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
