just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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