First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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