Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
