I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
