I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
