also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
