Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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