I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
