Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congratulations! We have a period
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
