I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
