So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
40s are totally the cure
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
