the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
