yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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