Already got asked if we're dating
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
