do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
