i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
