he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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