My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
