I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
