its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
