hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
