hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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