So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
