So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
