No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
