Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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