eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
