Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
