I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
