You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
