Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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