im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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