I think im going to throw up on grandma
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
