I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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