I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize