I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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