Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
