Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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