she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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