using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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