Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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