I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
