the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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