you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize