ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
