i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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