normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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