I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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