Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
