Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
