So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
