So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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