Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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