He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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