how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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