while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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