The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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