i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize